As someone who works in tech and has had the honor of testified before the Federal Trade Commission regarding the Right to Repair, I thought I understood the ins and outs of tech repair and digital privacy. But a recent experience left me stunned, and convinced that when they say they are not listening to you, they are not exactly being truthful. I wanted to get to the bottom of it. Let me walk you through what happened, why it’s so disturbing, and what I learned from digging deeper.
The Incident: Ads That Hit Too Close to Home
It was a typical day at my business when my brother, a pilot who teaches at a local flight school, stopped by. We hugged, caught up, and chatted briefly about his work. He mentioned he’s been thinking about going to Florida in August to get his Seaplane Rating, an additional certification to his current commercial license. He talked about his job, the flight school, and how he’s considering looking for a new one because of the hours. It was a casual, 10-minute conversation, nothing out of the ordinary.
Here’s the key part: I’m in my late 30’s, I have a degree, and I’ve never searched for anything related to flight schools. Not in a million years. I wasn’t on my phone during our chat, and I don’t have any interest in flying. My digital footprint is more about work and family than anything to do with aviation.
About 40 minutes later, I left to pick up my kids school. While waiting in the parking lot, I opened Facebook on my phone to pass the time. That’s when I saw it: two ads for flight schools. Not just any flight schools, but ones eerily relevant to the conversation I’d just had with my brother. I was floored. This wasn’t a coincidence, I knew at that point my phone was listening to me. I immediately screenshotted them and sent them to my brother, who also shocked and said, “Wow, they are definitely listening.”
My Reaction: From Shock to Suspicion
As a tech professional, I’m no stranger to how algorithms work. I’ve studied ad targeting, data collection, and privacy policies, and as I mentioned I’ve even testified at the FTC about tech-related issues, specifically the Right to Repair. But this experience was different.
While my experience feels like undeniable proof that something on my phone was feeding information to Facebook, I recognize it’s anecdotal. Still, the timing and specificity were too precise to dismiss as coincidence. I hadn’t searched for flight schools, not that day, not that week, not ever. No one in my household had either. My demographic (a 38-year-old who doesn’t like flying) is about as far from the target audience for flight school ads as you can get.
I started asking questions: How could Facebook know about a conversation I had in person? Why are they so cagey about admitting how their ad system works? I deleted the app right then and there. The experience was so unsettling that I turned to the internet for answers. At first, I was frustrated by the vague information available. As someone in tech, I know most cell phones have three or more microphones, which apps can turn on and off at any time.
Even in low-power states, some phones can keep microphones active for features like voice assistants, and apps may exploit this capability in the background. I’m not delusional about the capabilities of modern devices.
But I also know that large tech companies like Meta have testified before Congress, claiming they don’t listen to users’ conversations. So, where does the truth lie? I suspected it was somewhere in the middle. To get a clearer picture, I decided to consult some of the most popular Ai language models to get their opinions. Here’s what I found.
The Conversation: Digging for Answers
Could this have been a coincidence or just my brother’s online activity spilling over to my ads? Possibly, but the timing (40 minutes after our talk) and my complete lack of flight-related searches make that unlikely. Here’s what the AI suggested might be happening.
Why Do These Ads Feel Like They’re Listening?
The AI laid out several possibilities for how Facebook could serve such hyper-specific ads without me ever searching for flight schools:
- Proximity and Device Interactions
Facebook can track who you’re physically near through things like Bluetooth, WiFi networks, shared IP addresses, or location data (via GPS or cell towers). Since my brother and I were together, our phones likely logged this interaction. If he had searched for or been targeted with flight school ads, Facebook’s algorithms might have assumed I shared his interests. - Conversation Matching via Others
My brother might have searched for seaplane certifications or mentioned them in Facebook messages or posts. Because we were in close proximity, Facebook’s “shadow profiling” system could have linked us and served me the same ads. But that did make sense either he never uses facebook, lucky if he loges on once a year. - Cross-App Data Sharing
Even if I didn’t search for anything, other apps on my phone could be sharing data with Facebook via software development kits (SDKs) or ad networks. Some apps sample “ambient noise” or “voice features” through microphone access, even if they’re not actively recording. This data could include keywords like “flight school” or “seaplane rating.” - Behavioral Guessing and AI Modeling
Facebook’s “lookalike modeling” can predict your interests based on the people you’re near. If my brother was exploring flight-related topics, the algorithm might have guessed I was interested too, even without any direct evidence from my behavior.
The AI emphasized that Facebook doesn’t need to “listen” in the traditional sense. The data points they collect (location, proximity, app activity, and third-party integrations) are so powerful that they can create the illusion of listening. I mean even if I didn’t think they were directly listening, these invasive moves alone would beg to question the ethics of their targeted marketing tactics, but clearly something deeply invasive is going on here.
Is Facebook Listening to Your Conversations? Technically
When I pressed the AI on whether Facebook is actually picking up keywords from conversations, it got real:
“I do not believe proximity alone explains what you experienced. I do believe keywords from real-world conversations are being picked up, but likely not by Facebook directly. Instead, it’s through third-party apps that have microphone access and share data with ad networks Facebook uses.”
The AI explained that many apps, including weather apps, games, keyboards, or even Meta-owned apps like Instagram and WhatsApp (which I use sparingly to message a friend or two every few months), often have permissions to access microphones, location, or device activity. These apps can collect data, such as “ambient noise” for voice features, location for weather updates, or metadata (like when you’re active or nearby devices) for analytics.
Even without recording full conversations, they might analyze keywords, like “flight school,” or send behavioral signals to ad-tech platforms. If my brother’s phone had similar apps, our proximity could have triggered shared data points. Since I’m unsure if he uses WhatsApp, apps like Instagram or others on either of our phones could be the source.
Meta’s ad network then uses this data to serve hyper-targeted ads, allowing them to claim “we’re not listening” because their partners, not their own apps, collect it. This murky web of third-party data sharing left me questioning how much control I really have over my privacy.
Why Won’t Facebook Admit It?
The AI pointed out why Facebook keeps this under wraps:
- Legal Risk: Admitting to using conversation data (even indirectly) could lead to lawsuits and privacy violations, especially in places like the EU.
- Regulation Avoidance: Governments are cracking down on surveillance, and vague language helps Facebook avoid scrutiny.
- Public Trust: If users knew how much data was being collected, many would abandon the platform.
Facebook’s privacy policy is deliberately vague, using phrases like “we don’t actively listen” to sidestep accountability. As someone who’s read my fair share of terms and conditions, I know this kind of language is designed to obscure the truth.
What I Did Next
This experience was a wake-up call. I deleted the Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp apps immediately. I knew if I wanted to use these apps, I could always pop open my laptop and use them there, besides, they tend to be a brain drain anyway. But I didn’t stop there. Following the AI’s advice, I took these steps:
- Checked Microphone Permissions: On my iPhone, I went to Settings > Privacy > Microphone and revoked access for any app that didn’t need it. On Android, you can do this under Settings > Apps > Permissions > Microphone.
- Limited Background App Activity: I restricted background activity for unnecessary apps to prevent them from running when I’m not using them.
- Started Using Privacy Tools: I’m exploring privacy-focused browsers and considering a VPN for personal browsing.
The AI also offered to help me audit my phone’s apps or draft a statement to the FTC, which I’m seriously considering given my background in advocacy.
The Bigger Picture: Why This Matters
This wasn’t just about flight school ads, it’s about the erosion of privacy in our daily lives. As someone in tech, I know how interconnected the ad-tech ecosystem is. Apps share data with each other, and companies like Meta exploit that to target us with unsettling precision. This isn’t just a Meta problem, Google, Amazon, and other tech giants use similar ad-tech tactics, creating a surveillance ecosystem that spans our devices. What’s worse is that they hide behind vague policies and technicalities, leaving users feeling violated but powerless.
My experience is just one example, but it’s part of a larger pattern. Studies have shown apps collecting “ambient cues” for ad targeting, and regulators have raised concerns about “passive data harvesting.” Yet companies like Meta deflect accountability, and most users don’t have the technical knowledge to fight back.
What You Can Do
If you’re as creeped out as I am, here are some practical steps to protect your privacy:
- Audit App Permissions: Check which apps have access to your microphone, location, or other sensitive data. Revoke anything unnecessary.
- Limit Background Activity: Restrict apps from running in the background when you’re not using them.
- Use Privacy Tools: Consider privacy-focused browsers (like Firefox with Facebook Container) or a VPN for browsing.
- Read Privacy Policies: Look for vague language about data collection and question what it really means.
- Speak Up: Share your experiences with friends, family, or even regulators. If you’ve had a similar experience, consider filing a complaint with the FTC at ftc.gov/complaint or your local data protection authority. Collective reports can push for investigations into ad-tech practices.
Final Thoughts
I’ve always been skeptical of claims that “Facebook is listening,” but this experience changed my mind. The ads I saw were too specific, too perfectly timed, to be a coincidence. Whether it’s WhatsApp, another app, or Meta’s vast ad network, something is picking up on our real-world conversations, and it’s deeply unsettling.
As someone who’s testified at the FTC, I feel a responsibility to call this out. I’m not saying Facebook is actively recording every word we say, but their system is designed to exploit every possible data point, from proximity to third-party apps. And they’re not being honest about it.
For now, I’m keeping Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp off my phone and digging deeper into how to lock down my data. This isn’t just about one ad, it’s about taking back control of our digital lives. Unfortunately, things are not likely to get better anytime soon, so we need to do what we can where we can. Sadly, sometimes we just need these reminders.
